Guildmarm's Brachydios filled adventure!
by Maxaro
Summary: It was supposed to be a nice simple Brachydios hunt, no signs of any other monsters showing up and the Brachy wasn't even frenzied, but he should have know nothing was simple when Guildmarm was involved. Just how she had managed to join the mission and why she was wearing hunters undergarb he had no idea, but now he had to protect her... yay. Co-written with The Loneliest Of All.


Guildmarm was very excited. Why? Because this was the day. She was finally going to do it. She was going to see a Brachydios! All she needed to do is sneak into the palico cart without Doodle seeing her and everything would be perfect. And it wasn't like anything could go wrong, Doodle would be there after all. He was a G3 for a reason. She knew he'd make sure everything worked out fine~

But sneaking into the palico cart was a lot harder than she anticipated. With felynes and people walking everywhere around her, helping prepare for the hunt ahead, she just had to make sure no one important saw her. But the problem there was that everyone was important. Even she herself was important. And her green clothes really stood out in the crowd. Everywhere she turned, people were looking at her. She would have to be extra crafty if she intended to join Doodle on the hunt! It's a good thing that crafty was her middle name (even if Doodle said it was actually 'cutie')!

Her first plan... failed. Immensely. It was a good plan... had it been used by someone like Doodle, but for her it didn't exactly work as well. It had started great, she just needed to "borrow" one of Doodle's old armor sets and use it to masquerade as another hunter, but she had forgotten one important thing:

Doodle had trained to be a hunter his entire life and was (at least in her mind) stronger than a Rajang. It was easy for her to forget this fact when she saw him so effortlessly swing around his massive charge blade, but both his weapons and armor weighed more than her... separately... and she wasn't exactly the most athletic person she knew…

The end result was her lying on the floor in a suit of armor she couldn't even hope of moving in, crying desperately as Doodle's felyne companions tried their hardest to pull it off of her. Finally, with the combined might of all his companions she managed to stand up and deposit his armor and weapon back into his storage chest. She sighed, taking a huge breath and feeling a small bit of sorrow seep into her subconscious from a failed plan. But she wasn't giving up! She was a Guildmarm, and she did what needed to be done - to achieve her own goals!

So of course, she did the next best thing! If she couldn't masquerade as a hunter in ARMOR, she would have to do so in another way entirely! Which was something she always found to be absolutely ridiculous and cool at the same time! And something that turned maybe turned her on just a little when her Doodle did it...

He called them "no armor runs", but she liked to refer to them as "make Guildmarm hot and bothered runs". He said he did them for fun or to practice dodging, but she knew the truth! He did them to tease her! To make her all tingly and warm all over and then leave only to come back covered in sweat! It was evil, but she knew she could exploit this activity of his.

Fortunately, she knew the Elite gunner had to have some of the traditional hunter undergarb laying around and since they had (mostly) the same figure it would work out perfectly! All she needed to do was cover up her face with some cloth and grab the lightest weapon Doodle had and then no one would bat an eye when she joined him on the palico cart!

And so she did, luckily finding an old Light Bowgun that Doodle had abandoned when he took up being a Blademaster fulltime! And with this, she easily snuck into the cart with a sneaky smile! Her Doodle, she knew, would protect her from danger! That is to say, if he even found out she was there! Her plan was to keep hidden after all, and watch Doodle do his thing! What could go wrong?

XXX

"Shitshitshitshitshitshit!"

"Oh look! It's in rage mode! This is so exciting!"

"Exciting is not the word I'd use! Something like horrify- oh crap!"

Guildmarm let out a joyous yell as Doodle threw her into the soft but sticky net of what she could only guess was Nerscylla webbing, frantically dodging the exploding leap from the Brachydios himself before ripping her from the webs, throwing her over his shoulder, and then once again running like a Nargacuga towards base camp.

Guildmarm was having the time of her life, Doodle could tell, but he, on the other hand, was not. He was assured that his profession would not have escort missions, because, as everyone knew, escort missions were always unnecessarily hard, and bullshit. Sure every now and then he would have to transport items, and that was also bullshit, but at least it was slightly less bullshit than what he was currently having to do.

When he had discovered the Guildmarm was there with him, the affection he felt for her forced him to be joyously happy at first, and then when he understood the ramifications of her being there with him, he felt horrified beyond measure. The ground shook. "Oh, look! It's preparing to-"

"I KNOW OKAY, I KNOW!"

A few explosive punches and headbutts from a Brachy was nothing big to him, but to his "cargo" (his _armorless_ cargo!) it would most certainly not end well. Best case scenario? A _lot_ of broken bones. Worst case scenario? He'd have to scrape the pulverized remains the girl he'd come to care about over these past few months from the Brachydios' fists. Neither outcome was especially alluring to him, so he would prefer that she didn't get hit.

Though if she so much as got hit by a small piece of debris he doubted he would be able to forgive himself... after having turned the Brachy who dared mar her skin into gray and green chunky salsa!

He was very glad, though, that the Brachy hadn't gone into any of the lava filled zones yet, Guildmarm didn't have the hunter's stomach needed to hold down potions or cold drinks and he really didn't want her to get burned... or hurt in any way, shape, or form more accurately.

He knew that he would have to do something he hated doing. He would have to mark this specific hunt as a failure. A big, fat, horrible failure. He just wouldn't be able to live with himself if someone that meant so much to him had gotten hurt. It was a hard to swallow though, even. He ran, he dodged, but he knew he would have to make it back to the safe zone so he could call back to get them out of there. The Brachy wasn't going anywhere.

"You know what? Despite it trying to kill us and all that, it's kind of cute!"

"I'll make sure to get you a stuffed one once we're back home!"

"Really?! Aw you're the best, Doodle~!"

"That's great and all, but now you need to hold on!"

With a "Hy-ah!" from him and a laugh from the Guildmarm, Doodle leaped onto the nearest patch of strong-looking vines, grabbing a tight hold on both his "cargo" and the vines as he made his way upwards as quickly as possible, only once looking over his shoulder... only to be met by the cute butt of one Guildmarm in a pair of very form fitting undergarb shorts…

 _'BADTHOUGHTSBADTHOUGHTSBADTHOUGHTSBADTHOUGHTS!'_ Doodle knew that he would have all the time in the world to think things like that when they weren't being chased by a giant monster.

Guildmarm held on tight as her Doodle somehow exhibited inhuman strength by carrying both the Charge Blade on his back, and her, all the while wearing what she now knew to be the heaviest armor in the world.

"Wow, Doodle, you're really strong! It's kind of hot..."

 _'BADTHOUGHTSBADTHOUGHTSBADTHOUGHTSBADTHOUGHTS!'_

Guildmarm blushed, very glad that he couldn't see her face. She herself was thinking bad thoughts too, but to her it was normal and they weren't bad thoughts.

"Yes. Strong. Hunter training. All that." Doodle could feel the blood leaking from his nose inside his helmet as he grabbed onto the top of the vines and deposited his "cargo" on the ledge before climbing up himself.

They were finally at the last stretch before the volcanic hollow's base camp, but there was one problem. Doodle knew he could do much, he'd taken down a White Fatalis by himself after all (aka Maxaro has taken down a White Fatalis by himself...), but when asked to climb up a very long vertical stretch with a girl he really didn't want to get hurt slung over his shoulder and a Brachydios that could leap an insane distance after him he began feeling like people expected a little too much from him.

"Okay, Guildie, I have horrible plan and you need to make sure to follow it. I'm going to jump down and hold of the Brachy while you climb up to base camp. I promise it won't even notice you. Can you do this for me?"

She gave a salute, a giggle, and an affirmative afterwards so he could hear her and actually receive the confirmation. She turned, and realized that in no way knew how to climb vines. "Uh, Doodle? How do I..." she could hear the most frustrated sobbing sounds come from her Doodle, so she just grabbed hold of the nearest vines tenitively started climbing.

' _There is absolutely no way we'll survive this,'_ he thought, ' _Absolutely no way...'_

"I don't get paid enough for this..." Doodle muttered as he leaped back down, unsheathing his charge blade in the air and slashing the seemingly confused Brachydios across the back. It fell over in an almost comical way and he jumped straight onto its back. "Sorry Mr or Mrs Brachydios, but I can't let you turn that girl over there into paste, I'm quite fond of her you see."

Guildmarm held on with all her strength, very upset that her Doodle left her hanging there by herself. "Doodle," she mumbled, "So mean..." she began to climb again as the sounds of a fight broke out behind her. She didn't even really care. She was very unamused. All she had wanted was to see him fight, but now she had to focus on climbing the vines instead of watching? She disliked heights. She had already felt scared enough as it was being safely held onto by her Doodle, but now she was alone. She wasn't a hunter, she knew if she fell it would mean the end of her little old life.

And then how would her parents feel? They sent her off to get an education, and she put them all in debt! How could she help pay them off now, if her life ended so soon? She was only just now going on 22 years of age! She had been so fortunate to find a Doodle that was the same age as her, and now she would never be able to tell him how she felt! She clung onto the vines and climbed, ignoring the tension in her chest, ignoring the feeling of her stomach telling her that she was gonna be sick.

Back down on the ground, Doodle was trying to remain on the Brachydios' back for as long as possible. It would give Guildmarm the most amount of time to safely climb up to base camp. He knew they'd be there already if he had carried her, but he had no way of making sure she would land safely if they were knocked off the wall.

"I have to say, Mr or Mrs Brachydios, I envy you a little. You can go about your day not having to worry about an adorable girl you're trying to keep alive, it sounds nice. No having to carry her around and be forced to wonder how many bones she would break if she was injured by one of you. You can just spend your day doing Brachydios things..."

With a roar of pain from the beast, Doodle stopped his daydreaming about living as a Brachy and jammed his hunting knife as deep as he could in between the thick scales of the Brachydios' back, dark red blood staining his armor. He leaped off as the brute fell and dashed towards its head, unsheathing his charge blade and switching it into its axe form as he ran. Unloading three charges right in the Brachy's face his mind went back to the girl climbing above him.

 _'Please don't get hurt, Guildie...'_

Doodle was taking an awful long time, Guildmarm thought, still climbing up slowly. She hated being so unsure of what was going on. Who was winning? The Brachy? Doodle? She knew her Doodle was winning, but what if the Brachy was winning?! She couldn't bear the thought! That mean monster flattening her Doodle to a pile of mush! "Oh my goodness, how awful! Stop thinking, you!" She yelled to herself, as a particularly loud roar blasted from behind her.

She glanced back, hoping to not see what she thought she was going to see, but she was. The Brachy was up again, and Doodle was in trouble, stunned on the ground!

"Doodle!" She didn't know what she could do! She remembered she had the bowgun! But holding onto the vines and shooting something she had never shot before seemed like a scary thought…

 _'This is gonna hurt...'_ with a **whap** Doodle had a very intimate moment with a very fast moving Brachy tail, smashing him straight into the wall.

 _'Ow...'_

Glancing up to see how Guildmarm was doing he had to force back the urge to throw off his helmet and give himself a concussion from a face palm. He admired her tenacity, he really did, but trying to fire a bowgun, even a light one, with your feet while hanging from vines was not the best idea. He sighed as he brought up his shield to block yet another tail swipe from the Brachy.

"Guildie! Drop the bowgun and climb! I've fought enough of these bastards to know that I'm not dying to one!" He left out the part about the Brachy more than likely becoming angry from someone shooting it… and then jumping towards that someone… turning someone into mush...

She didn't hear her Doodle over the loud incessant roaring, so she continued on with her task. She swung to and fro, trying to aim correctly, and all that Doodle could think about was how extremely... dexterous she was... with her feet.

 _'BADTHOUGHTSBADTHOUGHTSBADTHOUGHTSBADTHOUGHTS!'_

The Brachy hit him with its tails again, sending him flying off as Guildmarm finally figured out how to work the bowgun, and with a shout of "THIS IS FOR DOODLE!" she pulled the trigger. The bullet flew to the Brachy as fast as a bullet possibly could, which was surprisingly slower than it should have been. When it struck the Brachy, the Brachy stopped. It looked at Doodle in confusion, and Doodle looked back at it in confusion as well.

It very slowly swayed, and then fell over on its side. Seemingly dead. "O-one... shot... WHAT?!" He looked up to Guildmarm as she seemed to dance on the vines. Happy as could be.

"Guildie... is that _my_ bowgun!? Did you just use one of my lvl 3 piercing Shells!?"

"Umm... maybe...?"

"... you better start climbing BECAUSE I'M FAR MORE DANGEROUS THAN THAT BRACHYDIOS!"

Doodle took one shaky step towards the vines, planning to do unspeakable towards the girl who had stolen that one weapon he never used or planned on using but it was still his weapon and no one touched his weapons without permission, but then something made him stop. The Brachydios was lying dead behind him, he could be at base camp in under one minute... but still...

 _'Must. Resist. Urge. To carve. Have. Enough. Brachy parts.'_

In the end, he couldn't resist, and, coming to a crouch over the massive beast, started to carve. Behind him, Guildmarm was already done climbing to the top before he was even halfway done. At the sight of the bed, she even forgot Doodle was potentially very angry at her. She forgot a lot of things as she fell onto it with a yawn. She didn't even realize exactly how tired she was, but it made sense with how much danger she had been in. Even if she hadn't felt afraid at all thanks to her Doodle.

She curled up with a smile, thinking about how fun, and scary, this had been, and how brave her Doodle was for carrying her around.

When Doodle himself made his way up to the base camp, covered from head to toe in monster guts (he knew the 3 carv limit on Brachys but Fatalisdammit he did a lot more than he signed up for! He deserved the Brachydios palluim now in his bag! Even if he had to dissect the bastard to get it!), he was planning on teaching his "cargo" some lessons about not stealing his stuff, but the sight of her sleeping on the bed drained his rage faster than a zamtrite drained blood.

He placed his stuff in the delivery box, and fell on the bed beside her.

"Doodle," she mumbled in her sleep, bringing a smile to his face as well. He took off one of his gut-stained gloves, and used his clean, if not a little sweaty, hand to move some hair out of her face.

"Why," he said in a whisper, "Do you have to be so cute. There's just no possible way to be mad at you..."

 **QUEST COMPLETE!**


End file.
